Chapter 1 Introduction Click to read the Introduction
Friends die. For many adults friendgrief is an occasional
intrusion; for others a continual process: Who in my circle of
friends will be next?
Chapter 2 Losing a Friend
Disenfranchisement of friendgrief is significant. Why should a
clinician care about friendships or friendgrief? First, clinicians
will have friends die. Secondly, clinicians will have clients
devastated by the death of a friend. By understanding the dynamic
nature of friendgrief, clinicians can be more resourceful.
Chapter 3 Defining a Friendship
What does one mean by "friend?" In a a clinical setting definition
and clarification of operative terms are essential since a
definition frames the parameters in which the friendship and the
grief can be examined. Three broad categories of friendship are:
"casual," "close," and "best" friend. Friendgrief is shaped by the
definition of the friendship at the time of death.
Chapter 4 Recognizing the Friendorbit
The friendorbit, a sociological paradigm, will be introduced to
understand the dynamics of friend networks and the impact of death
and loss. The principles and components of the friendorbit model
will be explained and used to illustrate the dynamic nature of
friendships.
Chapter 5 Being Supportive Immediately After a Friend's
Death
Historically, friends support the chief mourner and family members.
Friendgrief must not compete with, overshadow, or complicate the
grief of the family. This expectation motivates many friends to
ignore their own grief and the needs of others in the friendorbit
in order to concentrate on the needs of the family.
Chapter 6 Offering Hospitality
Friends offer hospitality. Rapid cultural change has significantly
altered traditional expectations. How does a friend respond if
family requests or demands are unreasonable? If other friends do
not assume a reasonable share of hospitality. Offering hospitality
may interfere with a friend acknowledging grief.
Chapter 7 Honoring a Friend by Attending the Visitation
What level of participation in prefuneral, funeral, and postfuneral
rituals can be expected of a friend? An individual honors a friend
by attending rituals such as the visitation; the funeral or
memorial service; and prehaps, the committal or scattering. The
visitation may be more valuable to friends than the funeral because
it is conversation oriented while the funeral is liturgy or ritual
focused.
Chapter 8 Honoring a Friend by Attending the Funeral/Memorial
Service and Committal
Individuals honor friends by attending funerals. Attendance is an
obligation, although in this culture in which death is increasingly
privatized, many individuals have never attended a funeral for a
peer. Mobility impacts attendance at rituals.
Chapter 9 Praying In Friendgrief
Although prayer and praying carry a great deal of emotional and
spiritual baggage, individuals pray for deceased friends as a means
of continuing bonds. Friends also pray for grace to reconcile with
the loss.
Chapter 10 Pallbearing a Friend
Pallbearers participate in a contemporary reenactment of an ancient
drama. The most historic way individuals, at least males, have
demonstrated grief for friends: by carrying a friend to a final
resting place. Bearing a friend's casket can be one of life's most
sobering experiences.
Chapter 11 Eulogizing a Friend
The essential elements for a meaningful eulogy by a friend are: The
friend-eulogist speaks as a representative; is grieving; and gives
an accurate witness to the life of this particular friend. The
friend-eulogist stimulates the memories of mourners, honestly
remembers and affirms the deceased, and honors, sometimes
creatively, the character of the deceased.
Chapter 12 Responding Graciously
Friends promise future assistance, touch, and validate. Making and
redeeming promises are ways to maintain the bonds of friendship.
Touching, although far more subjective, benefits the giver and the
receiver. Friends may be asked to validate decisions of the chief
mourner as well as others in the friendorbit.
Chapter 13 Remember Friends
The fear of being forgotten may be universal among humans.
Remembering is an important act by a friend. Memory cannot be
disenfranchised. Some friendorbits have the equivalent of the
official "rememberer." It is important for friends to remember
realistically.
Harold Ivan Smith is a member of the American Academy of Bereavement, teaches at Saint Luke's Hospital in Kansas City, Missouri, and serves on the board of the Association for Death Education and Counseling. He is also a member of the Association for Death Education and Counseling and the National Hospice Association's Council of Professionals.
Ask a Question About this Product More... |