Table of Contents

Introduction 1

About This Book 1

Foolish Assumptions 2

How This Book Is Organized 3

Part I: A Parent’s Primer 3

Part II: Coaching Tasks 3

Part III: Motivation and the Mental Game 3

Part IV: Coaching Challenges 3

Part V: The Part of Tens 4

Appendixes 4

Icons Used in This Book 4

Where to Go from Here 5

Part I: A Parent’s Primer 7

Chapter 1: An Introduction to Sports Parenting 9

Getting Started 10

Soccer Moms Register Here! 12

Back When I Was a Kid 14

Fondly remembering the old days 15

Keeping in mind how you started out 15

Considering your child’s abilities 16

Achieving parental balance 17

What Kids Want 18

 From their coaches 18

 From their parents 20

Chapter 2: Determining the Right Age to Begin Sports 23

The Early Years: Ages 1 to 3 25

The Learning Phase: Ages 4 to 8 26

The two keys: patience and praise 26

Teaching the ultimate lesson in sports 28

Teaching kids how to have fun 28

Coping with parental expectations 29

“But I don’t want to play!” 30

“I don’t want to get hurt” 31

Boys and girls playing together? 32

Flashes of Athletic Brilliance: Ages 9 to 12 33

The beginnings of fair play 34

Who teaches sportsmanship? 35

Enforcing a sense of sportsmanship 36

Acquiring a sense of commitment 36

Developing discipline 38

Young, Independent Athletes: Ages 13 and Older 38

“Playing Up” a Gifted Athlete 41

Chapter 3: Dealing with Your Child’s (And Your Own) Disappointments 43

When Personal Goals Aren’t Met 44

Avoiding the PGA (post-game analysis) 45

Offering a praise sandwich 46

Working off the disappointment 47

When Your Child Behaves Badly 48

When the Future Doesn’t Appear to Hold Promise 50

When the Athlete Wants to Quit 52

Chapter 4: Evaluating the Pros and Cons of Travel Teams 55

Are Travel Teams Really Necessary? 56

Dealing with Disappointment at Tryouts 57

Knowing What to Ask a Travel Team Coach 59

Keeping It Fun — Even at a Competitive Level 59

Looking at Travel Teams and Burnout 60

The Myth of “Staying Ahead of the Curve” 62

Chapter 5: Understanding the Differences between Individual and Team Sports 63

Helping Your Child After an Individual Loss 63

Dealing with an “Alibi Ike” 64

Reinforcing that they can only do their best 65

“But I’ll never beat that other player!” 65

Encouraging Sportsmanship in Individual Play 66

Finding the Right Coach for Your Individual Athlete 67

Coaching Your Own Child in Individual Sports 68

Part II: Coaching Tasks 71

Chapter 6: Outlining Your Responsibilities As a Youth Coach 73

Thinking about Volunteering as a Coach 74

Getting the green light from your child 74

Determining whether you have the proper temperament 75

Finding the time 76

Head Coach or Assistant Coach? 76

Focusing on Your Top Priority As a Coach 77

Other coaching priorities to consider 78

Having fun 79

Remembering That Young Athletes Are Not Professional Athletes 80

What the Kids Want from You 81

What the Parents Want from You 84

Chapter 7: Setting Up for the Season 85

“But I’ve Never Coached Before!” 85

Learning the Rules of the Game — and of the League! 86

Scheduling the All-Important First Team Meeting 88

Working with Your Assistant Coach(es) 92

Chapter 8: Preparing and Conducting Practices 95

Preparing in Advance 95

Getting Kids to Manage Their Time 97

Coaching by Walking Around 98

Developing a Sense of Spontaneity 98

Addressing Disciplinary Problems during Practice 99

Setting the tone 100

Drafting a code of conduct 100

What is an appropriate punishment? 100

Using your coaching “common sense” 102

Dealing with a Child Who’s a Chronic Discipline Problem 102

Recognizing and Handling Typical Excuses 104

Chapter 9: Coaching during a Game or Meet 107

Getting Ready for a Game or Meet 107

Making some key phone calls 107

Handling inclement weather 109

Preparing your scoresheet 109

Determining your starting lineup 110

Making Last-Minute Pregame Preparations 111

Coaching during a Game 112

Give praise, praise, and more praise to the kids 112

Act in a sportsmanlike manner 113

The Post-Game Wrap-Up 117

Part III: Motivation and the Mental Game 119

Chapter 10: Motivating Today’s Young Athletes 121

“Motivating” by Yelling — Why It Doesn’t Work 122

How the best coaches motivate 123

So why don’t more coaches use the quiet approach? 123

How to Talk to Young Athletes Today 124

Speaking at their level — not down to them 124

Treating kids with respect 125

Remembering that there’s no “I” in team 126

Using good performances to discuss criticisms 126

Helping young athletes when they’re disappointed 128

Encouraging a team that’s always losing 130

Motivating an individual young athlete 131

Chapter 11: Teaching the Basics of Good Sportsmanship 135

Understanding the Potential Impact of the Youth Coach 136

Determining What Constitutes Good Sportsmanship 137

Good sportsmanship begins with you 138

. . . and teach the parents well, too 139

Enforcing Good Sportsmanship with the Kids 139

Part IV: Coaching Challenges 141

Chapter 12: Handling Tough Situations with Your Team 143

Understanding the Classic Types of Parents 143

The flatterer 144

The know-it-all 144

The dingbat 145

The loud-mouth 146

The comparer 147

Recognizing the Classic Types of Challenging Kids 148

The whiner 148

The egocentric superstar 149

The non-talker 150

The short-attention-span athlete 151

Dealing with A Moody Team 152

Chapter 13: Coping with Kids’ Sports Injuries 155

The Basics: What You Need to Know 155

Gauging your reaction 156

Checking the first-aid kit 156

Keeping a cell phone on hand 157

Responding when kids want to return to action too quickly 157

Having a Medical Professional on the Sidelines 159

Making Equipment a Priority 159

Addressing Special Needs of Certain Kids 160

Chapter 14: Coaching Your Own Child 161

Finding Out What Your Child Wants 161

Communicating with Your Child 162

Being Prepared for a Presumption of Favoritism 163

Watching Your Words Carefully — with All Kids! 165

Understanding the Politics of All-Star Teams 167

Chapter 15: Dealing with the Stresses of the Job 169

Congratulations, Coach — You’re the Topic of

Saturday Night Conversations! 169

Working effectively with unhappy parents 170

Avoiding the cold, honest truth 171

Calling an emergency team meeting 173

Listening to Your “Coaching Partner” — Your Spouse 175

Giving Yourself a Job Evaluation 176

Presenting Final Words of Praise 177

Part V: The Part of Tens 179

Chapter 16: Ten Things Every Parent Should Know 181

Give Your Child Some Space 181

Give Your Child’s Coach Some Space, Too 182

Be There To Watch Your Child Compete 182

Praise Your Child 183

Expose Your Kids To a Variety of Sports 183

Let Them Develop Their Own Passion 184

Go Easy Down Memory Lane 184

Be Careful About Applying Pressure 185

Remember That It’s Their Childhood, Not Yours 185

Let Them Dream 186

Chapter 17: Ten Great Coaching Tips 187

Be Sensitive to Every Child’s Needs 187

Get the Kids to Believe in Themselves 188

Don’t Let Noisy Parents Get out of Control 188

Cooperate with Officials 189

Be Careful When Trying Reverse Psychology on a Child 190

Forget the Knute Rockne Pep Talks 190

Keep in Mind That Motivation Still Comes from within the Child 191

Be More Than Fair — Be a Good Coach 191

Remember That the Younger the Kids,

the Less Important the Score 192

When in Doubt, Stand Back and Enjoy! 192

Chapter 18: Ten (Actually, 20) Brief Tips for Becoming a Great Coach 195

Give Your Team Positive Experiences 195

Organize a Pre-Season Team Meeting 195

Know Your Team’s Special Medical Needs 196

Educate Yourself about the Sport 196

Determine Your Coaching Style 196

Set Realistic Expectations for the Kids 196

Be Sure Your Team Has the Proper Equipment 196

Organize Your Practice Sessions to Be Quick-Paced 197

Put Your Assistant Coaches to Work during Practices and Games 197

Remember That Parents Come to Games to

Watch Their Own Kids Play 197

Keep a Detailed Scoresheet 197

Use the Best Motivational Technique: Praise! 197

Communicate, Communicate, Communicate 198

Teach Sportsmanship 198

Motivate by Walking Around 198

Use Common Sense When Faced with Injuries 198

Avoid a Post-Game Analysis at All Costs! 198

Give Upset Parents a Chance to Speak Their Peace 199

Remember That Travel Teams Can Also Mean Rejection 199

Keep in Mind That Kids in Individual Sports

Have Unique Pressures 199

Appendix A: Youth Sports Organizations 201

Multi-Sport Organizations 201

Baseball and Softball Organizations 202

Basketball Organizations 205

Football Organizations 205

Golf Organizations 206

Hockey Organizations 206

Soccer Organizations 207

Swimming Organizations 208

Tennis Organizations 208

Track and Field Organizations 208

Coaching Resources on the Web 209

Appendix B: The Coach’s Resource Kit 211

To Coach or Not to Coach 211

Developmental Phases of Young Athletes 213

Ages 1 to 3 213

Ages 4 to 8 213

Ages 9 to 12 214

Ages 13 and older 215

Parent Meeting Checksheet 216

First-Practice Checksheet 217

Player Information Card 218

Roster 219

Scoresheet 220

Bill of Rights for Young Athletes 222

Bill of Rights for Coaches of Young Athletes 222

Index 223

Book Registration Information Back of Book

About the Author

Rick Wolff, a nationally recognized sports-parenting expert, coach, and author, who is also a former professional baseball player, currently hosts a popular sports-parenting program on WFAN radio.