With over a hundred five star customer reviews, find out why this adoption memoir is winning hearts and minds
Acknowledgements. Author's Note. Part 1. Revelations: In the Bad House. Chapter 1. Part 2. Keeping Secrets: Hope and Disappointment. Chapter 2. Chapter 3. Part 3. Planning a Future: Flip Charts and Handouts. Chapter 4. Chapter 5. Chapter 6. Part 4. In the Family Way: Early Days. Chapter 7. Chapter 8. Chapter 9. Part 5. Extreme Times: Life and Loss. Chapter 10. Chapter 11. Part 6. Getting Educated: Learning the Hard Way. Chapter 12. Chapter 13. Chapter 14. Part 7. A Time for Healing: No Matter What. Chapter 15. Chapter 16. Chapter 17. Chapter 18.
Sally Donovan OBE is an award-winning writer and adoptive parent honoured for her work in the adoption field. She became a writer with Jessica Kingsley Publishers after long diversions into aerospace and horticulture. Sally was business columnist of the year in 2013/14 as judged by The British Society of Magazine Editors and the Professional Publishers Association for work with the magazine Community Care. In 2017, she was awarded an OBE. Sally is a reader, a gardener, a walker, and a committed tea drinker. She also loves music, comedy, and people being nice to each other. She is a passionate voice within the UK adoption community, and Tweets at @sallydwrites.
This book should be compulsory reading for potential adoptive
parents and for those professionals who touch their lives and
pretend to understand what the whole experience is about. Sally
Donovan's account touches upon the depth of despair, unbearable
strain on a small family unit, incompetent or insensitive
professionals, and fairly non-existent support. And yet it is full
of optimism and hope for the human spirit.
*Young Minds Magazine*
For those who already know the author through her adoption blog the
brilliance of this book will come as no surprise... Sally Donovan
seems to write as naturally as the rest of us breathe, with an
eloquence and honesty that makes "No Matter What" totally
absorbing. She has a fantastic story to tell that not only speaks
to those who have their own adoption experiencer but to any reader
who has an interest in rich, articulate personal stories and wants
an insight into the life of a normal adoptive family... Much of
what Sally writes will be all too familiar to other adoptive
parents by the humanity, intelligence and humor of the writing
captures the reality of adoptive family life in a truly enthralling
way.
*Adoption Today*
As a post adoption social worker, who has also recently worked in a
children in care team, this book struck a chord as to how our role
impacts on children and adopters... I cannot recommend this book
highly enough - it travels with me in my handbag and I sing its
praises to whoever will listen! I urge everyone involved in
adoption to read this book and to be inspired.
*Community Care Children's Services blog*
If you've ever wondered what it's like to adopt, this book holds
the answer: it's hard, sometimes traumatic, and far from "normal
family life". It's also special, joyful, and utterly transformative
- for parents as much as children. Yes our families are different;
this book explains in both a moving and matter-of-fact way why we
are proud to be so.
*Baroness Oona King, adoptive mother*
Honest, refreshing, heart-breaking, thought-provoking and inspiring
- this is a valuable insight into adoption and the devastating
effects of trauma.
*Lorraine Pascale, television presenter, chef and former model,
adoptee and TACT patron*
This book is sheer therapy for an adopter and enlightenment for
anyone who comes into contact with adoption in any way. A must read
for parents, schools and authorities.
*Carrie Grant Vocal Coach/TV Presenter, adoptive mother and BAAF
adoption champion*
Sally Donovan has written a warm, humorous, hard-hitting and
compelling story about her own adoption journey. What she says will
resonate with the majority of those who have adopted children from
care. Ultimately this is an overwhelmingly positive celebration of
the transformation that adoption can bring to society's most
damaged and vulnerable children, but it also clearly sets out the
realities of parenting children affected by early childhood abuse
and neglect. Every adopter will be able to recognise some aspect of
their own experiences in Sally's story and I would urge every
professional working with adopted children -- including health
visitors and teachers, as well as social workers - to read this so
they know what understanding and support those parenting adopted
children need.
*Hugh Thornbery, Chief Executive, Adoption UK*
No Matter What is by a long way the best account ever written of
the experience of being an adoptive parent and carer of children
traumatised by maltreatment. With heart-wrenching candour, it tells
the story of a couple's journey through the pain of childlessness,
the adoption process, and the lived experience of caring for Jaymey
and Harlee whose early lives were 'almost unbearable to read
about'. Sally Donovan evokes brilliantly the commitment, energy,
therapeutic skill and humanity required to care for and heal
children whose past abuse has left them distressed, feeling
unworthy and acting out in often chaotic ways. This remarkable book
is not only a major contribution to work on child welfare; such is
the sheer power and brilliance of the writing that it triumphs as a
work of literature, as art. Utterly compelling and humane, No
Matter What is essential reading for all those who care for and
about vulnerable children, adoption and fostering and who are open
to being inspired by the healing power of love.
*Harry Ferguson, Professor of Social Work, University of
Nottingham*
I found this book almost unbearably moving and, ultimately,
uniquely uplifting. I have never before read, in a single book,
such a compelling portrait of the horrors of child neglect and its
consequences, alongside a portrait of the historical inadequacies
of adoption assessment and post adoption support. This is a
staggeringly vivid account of a heroic struggle by heroic adopters
to heal the deep scars of neglect and abuse. I cannot recommend it
warmly enough.
*Sir Martin Narey, Government Advisor on Children's Social Care and
Visiting Professor, Durham and Sheffield Hallam Universities*
Everyone should read this funny and deeply moving account of modern
adoption: the highs, the lows, the risks and the rewards. Sally's
writing is honest, insightful and beautiful to read.
I am, and will remain, totally in awe of Sally and her husband Rob.
Their empathy and resilience is sure to inspire anyone who reads
this book, particularly those thinking about adopting a child.
In the most modest, refreshing and unassuming way, Sally gives a
voice to everyone struggling with infertility or learning to parent
traumatised children. This book is a triumph in so many ways.
*Camilla Pemberton, Children and Families Editor, Community
Care*
With great humility Sally shares her journey of courage, hope and
persistence in boldly loving her children despite the odds, no
matter what...Throughout the book I laughed and cried, experiencing
the highs and lows of loving children who have lived the
unthinkable. For too long adopters walked this journey very much
alone. We must now accompany them on this journey, in our
neighbourhoods, communities and cities, and within our education,
social care and health services. Together we can make a difference;
each life is precious, however fragile and different. No Matter
What communicates this truth, and is an important contribution at
this time of policy change.
*Louise Michelle Bombèr, Adoption Support Teacher for Brighton and
Hove, Attachment Support Teacher Therapist for The Yellow Kite
Attachment Support Service*
In No Matter What Sally has written about her adoption journey in a
way which enables us to walk in her shoes and those of her children
and which is informative and humbling. Anyone associated with
children in the care system in any capacity could only benefit from
reading this outstanding book.
*Jane Evans, Trauma Parenting and Behaviour Skills Specialist and
Trainer*
No Matter What pulls no punches in describing Sally and Rob's
moving journey of adopting two siblings and the challenges of
parenting them in great detail. It is beautifully written with
humour and understanding.
We learn from Sally that adopting children who have suffered
neglect and abuse, requires not only resilient parents but expert
advice, support and understanding from a range of professionals and
from family and friends.
This book is required reading for professionals such as social
workers, health professionals, teachers and early years staff. It
is also a must for those who want to adopt and for their families
as it provides an honest account of the challenges but also the
joys of falling in love with your adopted children. We can all
learn so much from Sally and Rob's story.
*Sherry Malik, Director of Children and Adult Services in
Hounslow*
It should be compulsory reading for all contemplating work within
adoption, or indeed for any moving towards work with young children
and their families, whether in social work or education, where
children's behaviour can sometimes seem so hard to understand, by
where change can only come about through real compassion, intense
resilience and unending patience.
*Professional Social Work*
This book is a first-hand narration by Sally Donovan of her and her
husband Rob's journey through infertility and the adoption... It is
intensely individual story, but this story speaks to very many
wider themes... In this book, we see the need for ongoing support
for the family, both formal and informal...this book is not only
recommended for adopters, social workers, teachers and health
professionals (and I recommend it strongly for those groups), but
for everyone.
*British Journal of Social Work*
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