WHAT WOULD SUSIE SAY ABOUT...
"It took me a long time to find the man I was willing to commit myself to. Even the word "commit" is troublesome. One is committed to a mental institution."
MEN WITH DOGS?
"As a dog lover, I've researched many different breeds and I've begun to realize that you can tell a lot about a person by what breed of dog they choose to associate with. A bit self-conscious about your cellulite? A guy with a shar-pei is for you. They're hard to find, but cheaper than lipo."
THE BEAUTY OF MENOPAUSE?
"I guess I just have to accept the fact that I'm going to end up a bald, fat, sweaty, irritable woman with a dry vagina and a full beard who never sleeps and has memory loss so I won't even be able to remember how hot I used to look!"
"My mother used to tell me 'you can't buy your kids' love.' Bullshit. You can, and it's exponential. They're like Russian mail-order brides -- the more you spend, the more they love you."
"WHAT WOULD SUSIE SAY?" is Essman's irreverent, refreshingly candid, and hilarious retort to the dubious facts of life that we all face.
"Susie Essman always makes me scream with laughter. If she were any wiser, she'd have witnessed the birth of Christ. "What Would Susie Say?" made me laugh harder than I have in years. After reading it, you'll never be at a loss for words again." -- BETTE MIDLER