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Lies and Truths Ma Mother Telt Me!
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Allan Morrison has again scoured the hearts and minds of Scots at home and abroad to bring this hilarious compilation of sayings which reveal the inner workings of that most formidable of personalities...your mother! Over 350 lies and 250 truths are here and when you utter them you should have a scowl on your face and a lump in your throat! Here are some examples: 'IF YOU DON'T BEHAVE AH'LL PAWN YE AN' SELL THE TICKET!' 'IF YE GIVE ME ANOTHER DIRTY LOOK YER FACE WILL LOOK LIKE LAST YEAR'S RHUBARB!' 'YE WON'T BE HAPPY TILL YER GREETIN'.' 'A WEE BIRDIE TOLD ME.' 'EAT YER CRUSTS AN' YE'LL GET CURLY HAIR.' 'THE NURSE BROUGHT YOU IN HER WEE BLACK BAG.' 'YE DON'T NEED TAE BRUSH ALL YER TEETH. JIST THE WANS YE WANT TAE KEEP.' 'NO, I WASN'T LOOKING THROUGH YOUR DRAWERS. I WAS JUST PUTTING AWAY YOUR CLEAN UNDERWEAR.' 'WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR BEDROOM FLOOR? I CAN'T FIND IT.' 'JIST REMEMBER. IN LIFE WAN MINUTE YOU'RE A PEACOCK AN' THE NEXT YOU'RE A FEATHER DUSTER.' 'YOUR TEDDY WITH THE ONE EYE HAS GONE TO LIVE IN HEAVEN.' 'CASTOR OIL CURES EVERYTHING BUT A WIDDEN LEG.' 'YER CONSCIENCE IS THE WEE INNER VOICE YE HEAR WHEN AH'M LOOKIN' AT YE.'
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Table of Contents

Introduction 5 Part One 'The Lies Ma Mother Telt Me!' 7 1 LIES TO MAKE YOU BEHAVE 9 2 LIES ABOUT YOUR BODY 15 3 LIES ABOUT THE BIRDS AND BEES 18 4 LIES ABOUT HEALTH 20 5 LIES ABOUT SPIRITUAL MATTERS 24 6 LIES DURING THE TEENAGE YEARS 25 7 LIES ABOUT MARRIAGE 27 8 LIES ABOUT DISCIPLINE 28 9 LIES ABOUT THE HOUSE 30 10 LIES ABOUT THE FUTURE 32 11 LIES ABOUT THE WEATHER 34 12 LIES TO PRESERVE OUR INNOCENCE 36 13 LIES ABOUT LYING 38 14 LIES ABOUT SCHOOL 39 15 REASSURING LIES 41 16 LIES ABOUT BIRTH AND DEATH 45 17 OPTIMISTIC LIES 46 18 LIES ABOUT MONEY 47 19 LIES ABOUT FOOD 49 20 LIES ABOUT HERSELF 51 21 LIES ABOUT CLOTHES 54 22 LIES ABOUT PETS 55 23 LIES ABOUT THE FAMILY 56 24 LIES ABOUT THE 'GOOD OLD DAYS' 58 Part Two 'The Truths Ma Mother Telt Me!' 59 25 BEING WARY IN LIFE 60 26 BEING SENSIBLE 64 27 HYGIENE - ETIQUETTE - TIDINESS 68 28 WHEN WE WERE ANNOYING HER 70 29 KEEPING US OUT OF MISCHIEF 75 30 WHEN SHE WAS PROUD OF US 77 31 MATERIAL POSSESSIONS 78 32 MAKING OUR WAY IN LIFE 79 33 AROUND THE HOUSE 82 34 FOOD 85 35 THE OPPOSITE SEX 87 36 LIFE IN GENERAL 88 37 ABOUT HERSELF 91 38 GROWING UP 92 39 SPIRITUALITY 95 40 SCHOOL 96

About the Author

Allan Morrison lives and works in Greenock, Scotland and has been collecting Scots sayings for much of his life. He is the former personnel manager at IBM, Greenock and is a keen hillwalker. This is his fifth book.

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