Dedication
Acknowledgements
Foreword: Dr. Daniel J. Reidenberg, PsyD, FAPA, E.D. SAVE
Introduction
1. The Beginning Daze
2. Initial Meltdown
3. The Night Before
4. The Bridge
5. The Miracle
6. The Johnny’s
7. The Great One
8. Breakdown City-- Locked Up Again
9. Big Dreams, Little Stage & Unrelenting Psychosis
10. Lock Down-- Third Time’s A Charm
11. The Epiphany & The Gift
12. Five Years of Happiness
13. Moving in Reverse
14. Chronicles of Redemption: A Modicum of Success
15. A Decade of Change
Epilogue: Learning the Art of Living Mentally Well - Most Days
Kevin Hines is an award-winning international speaker, author, and
mental health advocate.
Kevin has been featured in the critically acclaimed film “The
Bridge,” on Larry King Live, 20/20, Anderson Cooper 360, Good
Morning America, and Ireland’s famed Tonight with Vincent Browne.
He has been featured in hundreds of radio, film, and television
media outlets. Kevin has written countless articles about suicide
awareness/prevention and ‘The Art of Living Mentally Well.’ His
articles have appeared in the San Francisco Medical Magazine, The
Santa Barbara Independent, New Voices at Bay, the National Council
Magazine, the San Francisco Chronicle, Advancements in Psychiatric
Treatment, as well as many others. He was most recently honored as
a Lifetime Achievement Award Winner by The National Council for
Community Behavioral Health.
At age 19, Hines nearly became one of the more than 2,000 people
who have jumped to their deaths from the Golden Gate Bridge since
it was built in 1937. Fortunately, however, Hines become part of a
much better statistic: he is the 26th person known to have survived
the 220-foot fall. The first-time author also found a reason for
living after years of suffering without help from 'bipolar disorder
1 with psychotic features.' Now a well-known mental-health
advocate, Hines presents a vivid and moving memoir of how he
descended into mental breakdown, fought to overcome his demons with
the help of family and medical experts, and has made it his 'life’s
work to educate people all over this great country, and around the
globe, to prevent suicide and understand mental illness.' Hines
doesn’t go easy on the reader—he harrowingly describes his extreme
paranoia, deep depressions, manic highs, hallucinations, and panic
attacks. But he delivers a heartfelt message to other people who
have undergone—or are undergoing—similar mental-health problems:
'always find hope, a future, and the epic beauty in life.'
*Publishers Weekly*
Skilled international public speaker and mental health advocate
Hines encourages audiences with inspirational presentations on the
topic of suicide awareness and prevention and has been honored as a
Lifetime Achievement Award winner by the National Council for
Community Behavioral Health. . . This should appeal to fans of
popular psychology. . . also patients of attempted suicide and
their loved ones, who will find the select bibliography combined
with Hines’s insight into the suicidal mind helpful.
*Library Journal*
This is an excellent resource for anyone who has suffered the
devastation of a loved one’s suicide or suicide attempt. This book
should be an inspiration and a comfort to those who are suffering
directly with mental illness. And it is a tribute to those who have
lost their lives to these illnesses.
*New York Journal of Books*
Cracked Not Broken is a testimony of ongoing recovery, where there
is no false promise of a cure, but an affirmation that with hard
work, persistence, and support, anyone can improve their quality of
life. Hines does not hold back in this personal memoir of
depression, mania, and suicidality. This book should be read by
anyone seeking to gain a deeper understanding of what it is like to
live with a mental illness. ... Kevin Hines’ book does not
disappoint when reflecting on his reputation as an award-winning
author, mental health advocate, and international speaker. His
influence on the fields of mental health and suicide
awareness/prevention, has reached far and wide. Cracked Not Broken,
chronicles the path that led him to a place of healing.
*Suicidology.org*
Hines' story is a remarkable testament to the strength of the human
spirit and a reminder for us to love the life we have.
*Virginia Review*
Cracked, Not Broken: Surviving and Thriving After a Suicide Attempt
is a striking story of survival and comes form an author who at age
nineteen jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge. The fall didn't end his
life; it began a chronicle of facing mental illness - bipolar
disorder - and a series of breakdowns that challenged the author's
desire to live mentally well. His is a powerful saga that offers
many insights to those struggling with life after a suicide
attempt; from living daily with mental illness to navigating the
world and discovering keys to better living. A 'must' for any
health or self-help collection!
*Midwest Book Review*
The most compelling and authentic account into the depths of mental
illness and facing imminent death. This book covers the full range
of human emotion and fills you with a true belief in miracles and
survival.
*Dr. Daniel J. Reidenberg, Psy.D., BCPC, FAPA, DAPA, CRS, CMT,
CPAI, Executive Director – Suicide Awareness Voices of Education;
Chair, American Psychotherapy Association*
A gripping memoir which recounts the inspiring story of a suicide
survivor and one of the leading mental health advocates of our
time. A must-read for anyone who's ever wanted to know about living
with mental illness.
*Linda Rosenberg, MSW, president and CEO, National Council for
Behavioral Helath*
I've had the pleasure of knowing Kevin Hines for nearly a decade
now, since that time as a Los Angeles Times reporter in San
Francisco when I went looking to profile someone who had jumped off
the Golden Gate Bridge -- and survived. Not only did I find my man,
but that young man changed my life. And became my friend. I spent
time with Kevin. I trailed him to speaking engagements, accompanied
him to the site where he jumped off that bridge as a troubled kid.
I met his Dad and his now-wife Margie. I attended their wedding and
have had dinner at their home. I have seen Kevin mature into a man,
a young author and speaker, with a message to people in the Bay
Area and across the nation: Suicide isn't the answer. Cracked, Not
Broken should be required reading in Bay Area schools and for
anyone else who wants to follow in the footsteps of a person with
bipolar disorder who has emerged triumphant.
*John M. Glionna, national reporter, Los Angeles Times*
Kevin’s remarkable story of resilience and courage provides keen
insight into the intense ambivalence experienced by those who
struggle with thoughts of suicide. It is tragic to think about the
hundreds who may have similarly wished like Kevin to be back on the
bridge immediately after jumping. However, it is also extremely
hopeful that lives can be saved even when someone is truly intent
on ending their pain. Cracked, Not Broken proclaims, “suicide is
not inevitable for anyone” and that belief is strengthening
commitment to suicide prevention everywhere from the Golden Gate
Bridge to the US healthcare system.
*David Covington, vice president, Adult and Youth Services,
Magellan Health Services and Board Director, National Council for
Community Behavioral Healthcare*
Kevin is an extraordinary person with an inspirational story to
share which will save lives and restore hope. This is an extremely
brave and gripping account of how his mental illness and distress
led him to try to end his life and how he survived against all the
odds. Kevin epitomises courage and recovery and his own self care
and self-management needs to be a lesson to us all. This book
should be mandatory reading for all health, social care,
educational, government and frontline professionals – in fact
everyone! Kevin has an extremely powerful message for all of us:
Suicide is preventable and we can all have a role.
*Alys Cole-King, FRCPsych, consultant psychiatrist, Royal College
of Psychiatrists spokesperson on suicide and self-harm, Connecting
with People training co-founder and Medical Director Open Minds
Alliance CIC*
Suicidal individuals often approach the edge of life and death, few
catapult themselves over that edge and into the abyss below and
return to talk about [it]. Kevin Hines knows. He has reflected,
plummeting at 75 mph towards a freezing cold "certain death" on
"what I have I done?" and "I want to live" while racing toward
death. Hines gives us all hope, strength and courage to face
another day, take on the challenges of life, and keep "living
well.
*William Schmitz Jr., Psy.D, President-Elect, American Association
of Suicidology*
Cracked, Not Broken is a compelling insider's view into the despair
of mental illness and the fight for mental wellness. Kevin Hines
has dedicated his life to inspiring those that are waging a battle
with depression, encouraging their loved ones and educating society
so as a whole we come to understand: suicide is not an option. As a
communications expert I can't think of a more important
conversation than the one between a person who is hurting and the
person who wants to heal them. Buy the book now and it will open
your eyes.
*Brandy Mychals, bestselling author of How to Read a Client from
Across the Room*
Kevin Hines' memoir is a startling, hair-raising and compulsively
readable account of one man's descent into the hell of bipolar
disorder. It is a courageous testament of a man facing the tragedy
of mental illness. Every person suffering with mental illness (or
family member or friend)
should read this book as soon as possible because it will save
lives.
*Andy Behrman, author of Electroboy: A Memoir of Mania*
Kevin Hines' survival from a typically fatal leap from the Golden
Gate Bridge has become legendary in the field of suicide
prevention. But what is most remarkable -- what makes his story a
legend -- are the circumstances of his recovery His survival and
resilience has become a continuing lesson on what makes life worth
living. I am thrilled and forever thankful that Kevin is here to
give voice to the kinds of stories that are rarely told, and
testifying that hope can be just beyond those places where darkness
takes hold.
*John Draper, Ph.D., director, National Suicide Prevention
Lifeline*
Kevin Hines' book is both mesmerizing and eye-opening. It sheds
light on the impulse and momentum that lead to a suicide crisis in
a gripping, heartpounding story that should make a believer out of
anyone who has wondered how suicides happen.
*Eve R. Meyer, executive director, San Francisco Suicide
Prevention*
This account of Hines's suicide attempt -- and his blazing struggle
back to wellness -- is harrowing, honest, and deeply human, shot
through with his heartfelt insight and, often surprisingly, his
great sense of humor. The people in these pages, from Uncle Kevin
to the fellow inmates of the wards, are drawn with precision and
grace. Cracked, Not Broken shows us the darkness in great detail,
but this book ultimately leads us to the light.
*Scott Hutchins, author of A Working Theory of Love*
Kevin’s journey will take you to the edge of despair and back. He
has become an inspirational advocate for those suffering from
mental illness since the day he took a fast and fateful leap off
the Golden Gate Bridge in an attempt to end his life. His story
will surely find a home in the hearts of many seeking guidance.
*Jennifer Storm, award-winning advocate for victims' rights and
author of Blackout Girl: Growing Up and Drying Out in America*
A story of faith, courage, luck, and persistence. It’s an
affirmation of life and how, if given a second chance, a person can
move from the deepest depths of despair to a calling that helps
save others from the precipice.
*John Bateson, author of The Final Leap: Suicide on the Golden Gate
Bridge and Building Hope: leadership in the Nonprofit World*
Kevin Hines's memoir, Cracked, Not Broken, is both gut wrenching
and heart warming all at the same time. As I was reading it, I
experienced the most extreme emotions, moved from laughter to tears
countess times. Because our son was also named "Kevin", I imagined
it all through his mind and soul therefore this book has impacted
me on a very personal level. Kevin Hines is a gifted speaker and
writer but most importantly a beacon of light for anyone battling
mental illness or loves someone who is. I could only hope that our
"Kevin" would have had this same courage had he survived his own
suicide. Kevin Hines honestly shares his desperate struggle to
survive in spite of life threatening injuries, barriers to care and
gaps in our mental health system. He reminds us all that life is a
precious gift that can only be lived one day at a time.
*Carol Graham, wife of Major General, US Army (retired) who lost
one son to suicide and one son to the war in Iraq*
In Cracked, Not Broken Kevin captures the anguish and humanity of
his struggles against the compelling voices in his head. Those
voices drove Kevin to leap from the Golden Gate Bridge – a leap
that should have killed him. Kevin writes with hard-earned insight
and gripping candor about his terrible ambivalence about life and
death leading to his jump. Believing he had run out of options,
Kevin obeyed the commanding voices and hurdled the rail. Only as he
hit free-fall did Kevin realize that he still had options to
explore and a life to live. Kevin’s survival is a gift to us all as
he is able to write with rare insight gained from that horrific
experience.
As in his public presentations, in this narrative Kevin Hines moves
us with his story of mental torment, survival, and his ongoing
recovery. Kevin brings tremendous courage as he publically
addresses his personal trials. He describes his mental illness and
his reclaiming of his life from the perspective of one who has been
given a second chance. His life-affirming story is not to be
missed.
*Donn Marshall, Ph.D., associate dean of Students, director and
Chief Psychologist, Counseling, Health and Wellness Services at
University of Puget Sound*
Kevin Hines's story is an important one. Of the more than 1600
suicides from the Golden Gate Bridge since its construction in
1937, fewer than 35 individuals have survived. Kevin reports that
while falling toward the water, he realized how desperately he
wanted to live. Other suicide survivors tell similar tales
impressing upon us how impulsive and thus preventable and treatable
suicide is. Kevin's survival ... is a blessing for us all.
*Mel Blaustein, MD Medical, Director of Psychiatry, St. Francis
Hospital, SF*
Cracked, Not Broken, is an amazing and absorbing story about a man
with a tremendous will to survive even when his own mind is telling
him he must die. After years of speaking all over the world to
encourage others and to prevent suicide, he has gifted us with a
book describing the experience and thoughts affected by his mental
illness in illuminating detail. His story inspires us to believe in
the incredible ability of people to recover and grow stronger.
*Helynna Brooke, executive director, San Francisco Mental Health
Board*
One of my very first contacts in a psychiatric hospital was in
1965, with a woman who had been deeply depressed and who, like
Kevin Hines, attempted suicide by jumping off of a bridge.
Unfortunately, although she survived she was permanently disabled
and unable to speak. I wish that I had been able to read Cracked,
Not Broken at that time in order to gain a better understanding of
what her experience might have been. The book may have served as a
voice for her. Kevin Hines' work captures the ongoing nature of
serious and persistent mental illness, but leavens it with
humanity, hope and understanding.
*Russell Lee, licensed psychologist and emeritus professor of
psychology, Bemidji State University, Bemidji, MN*
Kevin shares a compelling, at times disturbing, but always
remarkably helpful story of his journey from certain death to
eventual rebirth and recovery. The raw intimacy of Kevin’s story
will help not only those struggling with mental illness and
suicidality, but also professionals committed to helping guide
recovery. I walked away having been moved, educated, and inspired.
In the end, Kevin’s story is one of simple truths, that there’s no
easy way through life, that struggles will come, and that the one
essential to happiness and wellbeing are the relationships that
make up the fabric of our lives. Every clinician and any person
suffering from a mental illness (and anyone who loves them) should
read Kevin’s story and remind themselves daily that a caring,
committed and enduring relationship not only makes all the
difference in the world, it saves lives.
*M. David Rudd, Ph.D., ABPP, dean of College of Social and
Behavioral Science, University of Utah, former president of
American Association of Sucidology, co-founder and scientific
director of National Center for Veterans Studies*
Cracked, Not Broken offers a window into a personal struggle with
mental illness, ranging from the joy of recovery to the despair of
relapse. Kevin Hines’ remarkable story is one of hope, balanced
with the realities of living with mental illness one day at a time.
It is an inspiration to those who strive to live well every day and
to their concerned family members.
*Jeremy W. Pettit, Ph.D., author of The Interpersonal Solution to
Depression and over 85 publications on depression, anxiety, and
suicide*
Many people will be drawn to Kevin Hines because of his tragic and
near-fatal experience at the Golden Gate Bridge. Once engaged, they
will find that his voice and story represent much more: A true tale
of the complex life factors that can culminate in a suicide
attempt; a revealing glimpse of the mental state of someone in the
moments just before and during a suicide attempt; an inspirational
model of recovery and thriving; and a seasoned perspective gained
from sharing his experiences widely will all those concerned with
suicide prevention. Cracked, Not Broken compellingly weaves
together these strands.
*Thomas Joiner, PhD, Florida State University*
Kevin Hines is not “cured,” he survives and thrives with chronic
mental illness. From an almost always fatal suicide attempt through
recovery and his emergence as an outspoken public figure and mental
health advocate, Kevin tells us something every person with mental
illness needs to hear — you too can survive and thrive.
*Paul Muller, founding member of the Bridge Rail Foundation, SF*
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