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The Coloring Book of Poop
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My name is Ploppie McCrapperson. I'm a normal poop, grew up in a good family. I'm 1/3 Corn and Peanut mixed, so sometimes I didn't really fit in. School was especially tough because nobody likes you when they see you have some corn in you. Kid's can be so cruel. But I rose above all that. I've had some close calls. Once I got most of my face licked off by a Golden Retriever and I had to wait until he pooped me out again to put myself back together. Another time this crazy death row inmate tried to paint himself with me, looking for an insanity plea. As you can guess, that didn't go down too well with the guards. I had to collect myself in the sewer after 7 different guards were hosed off. What's worse, they all smelled like cologne, can you imagine! As I matured I started becoming an adult and you might say I had been the ugly duckling that turned in to the swan. The ladies started looking at me a little differently and I could tell they liked what they were seeing. Not to brag, but I'm a good looking pile of feces. I always get mistaken for chocolate soft-serve ice cream. Me and my buddy used to go to McDonalds and hide in the ice cream cones just to mess with people. Don't worry, three or four licks in we would let the cat out of the bag. We would say, "Your breath stinks!" and just die laughing. Just two crazy pieces of crap having fun. But life was definitely looking up for me. I worked my way through college at Assmore University. After that I studied Particle Toilet Physics at Harvard and got a degree in Business Law. But my real love was always coloring. Sure, I would leave a streak in a pair of underwear, or a smudge on a clean wall every now and then. People would say, "Ploppie, you're so talented," but I thought they were just being polite. I'm a pretty likable turd. My motto is, "I never met a butthole I didn't like!" Anyway, a few years back I was working on a project for an oil company in Western Europe and I started coloring again. And what can I say . . . I was sucked back into the sphincter of life and crapped right out again with another chance. I decided that I was done with corporate life. That work didn't let me express my true artistic nature. I wanted to let my true Peanut & Corn shine through. So here we are, with my new book. I hope you'll join me on this crap-filled adventure! Let's paint the town Brown! - You can call me "Ploppie."

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